Harry Potter and the Realm of Idiots
by The Black Cat
Summary: (chappie 10 now up)1 crazy writer, 2 insane OC's, the strange story that was spawned! Poor hogy warty hogwarts will never be the same(READ!I swear it's good!:p)
1. The Wall

A/N: Hey,this chappy isn't that funny but it should get better as i go along. Sho read now!! please review!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter characters that's JKR job but, I do own all five books and the first movie and my two characters well one of them. Lorina belongs to my friend!!  
  
Chapter 1 : The Wall  
  
A girl ran through King's Cross trying to catch her train.(This is what she looks like sho I wont have to do it later; medium brown hair with blond highlights throughout, that goes past her shoulders on one side and up to her chin on the other, playful blue eyes, and pale skin.)  
  
"Where is it?"she whispered to herself. When she suddenly, in her hast to get where she needed to be, tripped and all her stuff went everywhere.  
  
"Great,"she cried, only a bit audible. She looked around to see what tripped her and realized it was her own feet. Getting up and felling somewhat embarrassed, she started to pick up her things and put them back on her trolley.(A/N: is it called a trolley?)  
  
"Need some help, Alanna?"Came a familiar voice from behind her. Alanna spun around to see who was asking. Her face brightened up at once when she saw who it was.  
  
"Lorina, I didn't know you where coming to Hogwarts!"Alanna said with a bright smile.  
  
"Yup I am," Lorina said with a grin, bent down and helped put the last of Alanna's things on her trolley. "Have you found 93/4, yet?"she asked. Lorina was a bit taller then Alanna, she had dark brown hair with lighter brown highlights that was shoulder length, mischievous grey eyes that sometimes held gold sparks, and lightly tanned skin.  
  
"If I did would I be running around here?!"she asked indignantly.  
  
"No, you aren't even that stupid,"Lorina said with a wicked grin.  
  
"Well, thanks!"Alanna said, eyes dancing. "It's great that your here!"she said, abruptly changing the subject.  
  
"Isn't it we can be idiots together,"Lorina had a mischievous grin.  
  
"Yup... well lets find the platform or we wont get to go anywhere,"Alanna said and started pushing her trolley- cart.  
  
"Where do you think it is?"  
  
"Well it says 93/4 shoo it's got to be between ten and nine,"she explained as they walked in that direction.  
  
"How was your summer?"Lorina questioned.  
  
"You know same boring stuff like always..."she trailed off "Look there's Platform nine and ten but, there's a wall in between?"  
  
"Didn't they say something about a wall?" Lorina asked staring at the said wall.  
  
"Dunno,"Alanna answered and they both stared at the wall for a few minutes.  
  
"Looks pretty solid to me,"Lorina said, taking her eyes off the wall to look at Alanna.  
  
"It does, doesn't it,"  
  
"Excuse me, but, what platform are you looking for?"  
  
**** Harry Potter awoke with a start, the day he was going to King's Cross. Back to Hogwarts, he thought, my home. He slid out of bed and threw on some clothes. He had packed the night before, so he just went down to breakfast.  
  
"Okay, boy, were taking you to the station today,"Uncle Vernon said as Harry walked into the kitchen. "I expect you to be ready in 15 minutes."  
  
"Yes, Uncle Vermin... er... Vernon,"Harry said, he looked around waiting for there reaction but, it seems they weren't listening. Harry sat down while Aunt Petunia gave everyone a grape fruit half. Dudley was still on his forty-eight hour miracle diet(A/N: as seen on TV) but, always seemed to skive off for lunch and dinner. Harry ate his grape fruit half with out complaining, that took all of five minutes and no one said anything to him.(A/N:'cause I couldn't think of anything for them to say.) Once he was done he hoped up from his chair and went to go to his room. He heard Uncle Vernon bark "Five Minutes" on the way up the stairs.  
  
When he got into his room he combed over it one more time to make sure he didn't forget anything. Once he was sure he dragged his trunk and Hedwig's cage, complete with Hedwig downstairs and to the car. The Dursleys were already in the car because they wanted to get rid of Harry as quickly as possible.  
  
No one said a word the whole way there.  
  
As soon as they arrived Harry jumped out of the car, grabbed his things and scurried off. With out so much as a good bye but, he wasn't expecting one. He got a trolley-cart thing and weaved his way to Platform 93/4.  
  
When he got there two girls he didn't recognize were standing there staring at the wall. He thought he might as well help them or find out what they were doing.  
  
"Excuse me, but, what platform are you looking for?"  
  
The two girls spun around, shock written on there face that someone had interrupted there conversation and thoughts.  
  
They both looked him over, then looked at each other. One of them shrugged and said "93/4, why? Do you know where it is?"  
  
"Yay, you have the right place but, you walk through the wall,"he said.  
  
"That makes sense... kinda," The one that had spoken before said looking skeptical.  
  
"Thanks... I guess," The other one said "You can go first!"  
  
They seemed a little dubious, that they had to walk through a wall. So he agreed to go first.  
  
After stepping through the wall he waited for a bit but, they never came. He saw Ron and Hermione flagging him down and walked over.  
  
"Hi, Harry!"Hermione said giving him a little hug.  
  
"Hey, mate!"Ron said.  
  
"Hey!"Harry said with a beaming smile.  
  
"Well, we better get on the train,"Hermione said.  
  
They boarded the train, Harry forgetting about the two mystery girls. He was back with his friends and that's all that mattered.  
**** to be continued....  
  
You read now review review review!!!*grins insanely* 


	2. Train Ride from Somewhere

(A/N: okay people the two new characters are me and my friend. I don't care if they do get Mary-Sue-ish, it's just supposed to be a humor. O-kay me done. Did they get through the wall?! And what happens when they do?! Read and review!!!)  
  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Harry Potter or the other characters except, Alanna I do own her, sometimes and my friend owns Lorina.  
  
Chapter 2: Train Ride from somewhere  
  
The train gave a loud whistle and started moving. Harry distantly wondered if the two girls got on the train.  
  
*****  
  
"He just walked through a wall," Lorina said looking shocked that he had in fact walked through the wall. They were standing in front of the wall staring at it cautiously like it was going to come alive and eat them.  
  
"Yay, that's what it looked like," Alanna said "Should we go?"  
  
"Yay... yes... sure... I think,"  
  
"Right then,"Alanna said eying the wall determinedly. "Let's go!"  
  
"Are we going at the same time or are you going first?" Lorina asked, keeping one eye on the wall and one on Alanna.  
  
"No, your going first," With that she pushed Lorina and her trolley-cart through the wall. "Wow it worked!" she said and walked through the wall.  
  
Other side of the wall  
  
"I can't believe you did that!" Lorina sheathed the second Alanna was through the wall.  
  
Alanna shrugged "You would of never gone otherwise,"  
  
"So?!" Lorina said, then the train gave a loud warning whistle.  
  
"Oh, crap!" Alanna cursed looking wildly around, they were the only ones there, then back at Lorina. "Check your watch!"  
  
Lorina sighed and looked at her watch. When she did her eyes almost popped out. "Five till eleven,"  
  
"Better hurry!" With that they grabbed there trolley-carts and bolted for the train. They hopped on and started searching for a compartment.  
  
"How long were we standing in front of that wall?" Lorina asked as they looked for a place to sit, there trunks floating behind them.  
  
"No tell'in. Your dad should have told us!" Alanna said.  
  
"Well, I haven't talked to him in what? I don't know three months,"Lorina said throwing her arms up in exasperation.  
  
"Good point," Alanna said, opening a compartment door, looking in, and closing it again. "Are they all full?!"  
  
"Let's try in the back," Lorina suggested, the train gave another loud whistle and lurched forward with speed.  
  
They were thrown off by this movement and started staggering around, holding on to things. Alanna was holding on to a door, which slide open and she fell in. She looked up (she was on her back) and saw two people staring at her.  
  
"Do you have room in here?" she asked and started sitting up. Lorina came staggering in and held into the open door.  
  
"Yay," One of them said.  
  
"Good," Lorina said and staggered over to a seat and sat down. Their stuff followed in and she levitated it up into storage. Alanna got up and sat down next to her.  
  
"Erm... so hi," Alanna said staring at the two guys across from her.  
  
"I'm Lorina. Who are you?" she said happily, bouncing up and down in her seat.  
  
"I'm Seamus and this is Dean," The boy named Seamus said pointing at himself then at, who he called, Dean.  
  
"I'm Alanna," she said, joining the happy party. She stuck her hand out for them to shake.  
  
"Back off he's mine!" Dean snarled protectively. Alanna withdrew her hand as if she had gotten burned.  
  
Seamus looked sideways at Dean. "What have I told ya about that?" he said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, er... we'vegottogomeetum... someone. Bye!" Lorina said quickly as Alanna watched with mild interest.  
  
"Yay," Alanna agreed and they ran out. Once they were out in the walk-hall place they cracked into fits of giggles.  
  
"Oh my god," Alanna giggled, whipping a tear from her eye.  
  
"That's *wheeze* something I didn't expect to see," Lorina giggled.  
  
"Erm... where are we going now?" Alanna asked.  
  
*****  
  
Harry was sitting in a compartment by himself because Ron and Hermione were prefects and off doing prefect things.  
  
I have to talk to someone, he thought, Like Ginny or Neville or Seamus and Dean, hell, I'll even talk to Colin.  
  
Harry got up, walked out of his compartment, and down the hall.  
  
******  
  
Alanna and Lorina were still walking around the train, giggling now and then. (A/N: once the train got a good speed you could walk around fine)  
  
"What are we going to do now?" Lorina asked, she was getting a bit bored of just walking around.  
  
"Don't know," Alanna shrugged then got an idea. "How about... Marco Polo?"  
  
"Fun! Can I be Marco?" Lorina giggled.  
  
"Sure,"  
  
"Yea," Lorina said and shut her eyes. "Marco!" she started walking forward, no one answered.  
  
"Marco," No answer. "Marco!" still none. Then she ran into someone.  
  
"Lanna, I've got you now!"she said and coiled her arms around the person. Lorina opened her eyes and had to look up a bit. That wasn't right. It wasn't Alanna.  
  
"Um... hi," The guy said. Lorina was speechless and Alanna was behind Lorina with her hand over her mouth.  
  
"That's the guy that helped us," Alanna pointed out. "What's your name?"  
  
"Harry Potter um... do you mind letting me go?"he asked, Lorina was still hanging on to him.  
  
"Sure." she said, let go and backed away a bit.  
  
"Thanks,"  
  
"I'm Lorina that's Alanna," she said.  
  
"Hey, Harry, do you know Seamus and Dean?" Alanna asked all of a sudden.  
  
"Yes, why?" Harry looked confused.  
  
"Do you think they would go through someones trunk?"she asked.  
  
"No, why?" Harry was still confused.  
  
"Good, 'cause if they did they might get a nasty surprise,"Alanna grinned.  
  
"What did you put in there?" Lorina asked, not really wanting to know.  
  
"Erm... just my cat," Alanna shrugged.  
  
"You put a cat in your trunk?!" Lorina thought she hadn't heard her right.  
  
"Yup, my mom wouldn't let me bring it sho I just... stuck her in my trunk," Alanna said like it was no big deal.  
  
"Wow," Was all Lorina could say.  
  
"It's not as big of a deal as the time you put your owl in your trunk. Man, that thing was dirty," Alanna said, taking a trip down memory lane.  
  
"That was a long time ago," Lorina grimaced that she actually remembered.  
  
"I've got to go," Harry said and ran down the walk-hall.  
  
*****  
  
Those girls were weird, nice but weird. Harry thought as he ran down the walk-hall, Putting animals in there trunks? I wonder what house there in?  
  
Harry kept running down the hall and didn't stop till he was in his compartment. Ron and Hermione were sitting there waiting for him.  
  
"Hi, Harry, where have you been?" Hermione asked, giving him a beaming smile.  
  
"You will never who I just met,"  
  
******  
  
"Wow, he bolted out of here," Alanna said looking down the walk where Harry had just been.  
  
"Yay, wonder what that was about?" Lorina had a far away look for a second but, it quickly passed.  
  
"Let's find somewhere to sit. This train ride can't be too much longer," Alanna said and started walking backwards. "Can it? Oof!" She had run into something big, for a second she thought she ran into the wall but, it gave a low grunting noise. Alanna turned around and came face to face with a towering, big, huge, giant, guy.  
  
"My god, your huge!" Alanna cried, eying him up and down. The guy gave another low grunt. There seemed to be two of them because right then another one appeared almost as tall as the first, just as wide.  
  
"They must hunt in groups," Lorina said faintly.  
  
"Crabbe, Goyle, what are you doing?!" Came a voice from somewhere. There seemed to be a 3rd guy there but neither Alanna nor, Lorina could see around the two other boys. But at least this one could talk.  
  
"Er... hello," Lorina called.  
  
"Let me through," the voice commanded. The two big people that seemed to be named Crabbe and Goyle stepped aside (A/N: if that is possible) and let a blond guy through.  
  
"Hi," Alanna said, happy to see someone at a normal height.  
  
The blond surveyed them for a minute before saying "Who are you? I've never seen you two at Hogwarts," he drawled.  
  
"I'm Bond, James Bond," Alanna said giggling. "Also known as Alanna Hayes!" the guy looked strangely at her.  
  
"Right," Lorina looked at Alanna then back at the guy. "That's Alanna like she said and I'm Lorina, Lorina Black!"she smiled.  
  
Hayes didn't ring a bell but, Black certainly did. His father had told him everything about the Black's and he never heard of her, odd. And what was up with those assents.  
  
"I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy," his voice still had a bit of a drawl.  
  
"Five minutes!" Called a voice through the train.  
  
"Come on," Draco said to Crabbe and Goyle. "I hope to see you two again." With that he turned on his heel and strode down the walk, back to his compartment.  
  
"Should we go see how Seamus and Dean are doing?" Alanna asked after Draco was out of earshot.  
  
"Er... no, let's just wait here,"  
  
*****  
  
(A/N: Review review!!! I'll give you a cookie!!! or a monkey named bob!!!  
  
What's to come: sorting and the welcome feats and the first night.... not as boring as I make it sound!!!! * grins all knowingly*  
  
Review!!!!) 


	3. Sortings and Elf Ears

(Author's Notes: another wonderful chappie, for your viewing pleasure. *giggles* what will happen? Where will they get sorted?! And what will they talk about?? *grins* )  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters if i did i would be very happy!! but i don't *frowns* I do own Alanna and the elf ears. I don't own Lorina ether she is my friends master piece.  
  
Chapter 3: Sortings and Elf Ears  
  
The Hogwarts Express pulled into the station, screeching to a halt, and steam bellowed out of it. Students pilled out of the train by the dozens, all chatting amongst themselves. A half-giant named Hagrid was calling first years over and ushering them into boats. Horse-less carriages were waiting for the higher years. And all was good. (A/N: wow, what a scene)  
  
"Wow, this is the famous Hogwarts!" Alanna smiled, looking at the giant castle in the distance.  
  
"Yup yup, my dad's description didn't do it justice," Lorina frowned, thinking of what her dad had said.  
  
"Let's get to the carriages," Alanna said and they ran off to look for an empty one.  
  
*****  
  
"Ah, Hogwarts," Harry said, under his breath, getting off of the train.  
  
"What was that?" Ron asked, getting off after Harry, Hermione after him.  
  
"Nothing," Harry said, smiling.  
  
"Right then," Ron said, eying Harry.  
  
"Shall we get a carriage?" Hermione smiled.  
  
"Yea," Harry said and they set off to the carriages.  
  
*****  
  
All the firsties were sorted and the Great Hall was silent, quite, and still except, Neville who was fidgeting uncontrollably.  
  
Dumbledore stood.  
  
"I have one more announcement," Dumbledore said, smiling at all his students, even the Slytherins. "We have two new students that have yet to be sorted," Everyone looked around at each other with puzzled expressions. "They're from America, The Salem School of Magic. In there sixth year," Dumbledore continued "I'd like for you all to welcome Miss Lorina Black and Alanna Hayes!" he finished with a twinkle in his eyes, looking pointedly at the oak doors.  
  
The doors swung open and everyone looked at them waiting for the two girls to walk out.  
  
About a minute later a hand pushed one of them in.(A/N: I will now commence into describing. again) She was thin, tall, had dark brown hair with lighter brown highlights that was shoulder length, and grey eyes. She looked back at the open doors and started walking a bit. After her came a skinny girl that wasn't as tall as the last, with medium brown hair highlights all over (in some places it looked white) that was up to her chin on one side and to her shoulder on the other, blue eyes, and... elf ears? She had pointy elf ears sticking out of her hair. Everyone in the Great Hall was gawking at her.  
  
She caught up with her friend and they walked up to the hat together.  
  
"Miss Black you first," said McGonagall, motioning for her to sit on the stool. The first girl that had come out sat on the stool and plopped the hat on her head. (A/N: here is the convo.)  
  
Hat: Ah, a Black. Haven't seen one of you in a long time but, your to old to be a first year.  
  
Lorina: I'm a sixth year, can you just get this over with.  
  
Hat: Maybe I should put you in Ravenclaw, you are smart. How would your dad like that?  
  
Lorina: How do you know about my dad!?  
  
Hat: I can read your mind.  
  
Lorina: Damn, telepathy baring hat!  
  
Hat: Maybe not Ravenclaw.... How about Hufflepuff?  
  
Lorina: No, not Hufflepuff that's the house for urm... never mind.  
  
Hat: fine, Slytherin?  
  
Lorina: Are you just playing with me?  
  
Hat: Okay then, I guess you are pretty brave.  
  
"Gryffindor!"  
  
The Gryffindor table exploded into loud clapping, as Lorina skipped over and sat with her fellow sixth years. "You next Miss Hayes," McGonagall said and Alanna sat on the stool and pulled the hat on.  
  
Hat: I've never had a Hayes before.  
  
Alanna: My family are all American none have been to Hogwarts. Well, maybe I'm not really sure.  
  
Hat: Right then down to business. Where should I put you?  
  
Alanna: I hear Gryffindor is nice.  
  
Hat: Your not brave enough for that.  
  
Alanna: Hey!  
  
Hat: Well you are but, not really. You plan and think things over first, your pretty clever actually.  
  
Alanna: You think. Well your still a Fuckin' Demon Hat....  
  
Hat: I resent that.  
  
Alanna: Were getting off topic here.  
  
Hat: I know where to put you...  
  
"Slytherin!"  
  
The Slytherin table started clapping as Alanna walked over and sat down. Dumbledore stood and the clapping stopped.  
  
"Let the feast begin!" Dumbledore said, food magically appeared on all the tables. Dumbledore sat and chatting started.  
  
* Slytherin Table *  
  
"Hi I'm Blaise Zabini," said a black haired girl, sitting next to Alanna. (A/N: I made Blaise-the-genderless-wonder a girl!)  
  
"Hi," Alanna said, forking some distorted junk.  
  
"So, your a pureblood then?" Blaise asked. (A/N:wow, direct aren't they)  
  
"Duh!" Alanna snorted, trying to keep from laughing. "From a loong line of Hayes'. We have a lovely Manor," she sighed thinking of her home.  
  
"Your American, why come to Hogwarts?" Blaise asked.  
  
"Erm... Well, my parents thought it would be good for me. They still live in America though," she frowned at the thought of her parents.  
  
"So who do you know?" Blaise asked, getting a bit more snotty. (A/N: Where did i think of that?)  
  
"What?!" Alanna eyed Blaise.  
  
"You heard,"  
  
"Well, what a strange question," Alanna said, then her eyes lite up and she got an evil grin. "I know some Ministry Wizards, criminals, murderers, eleged murderers, Death Eaters, Tom Riddle, Lorina, friends of the family, some vampires," she said, counting them off on her fingers. " and some demons from hell. The demons were the nicest." she finished with a smirk.  
  
"Demons," Draco snorted, he had been listening in on the whole time. "When have you meet demons?"  
  
"When I took a friendly visit to Hell and back," Alanna shrugged "They were real nice!"  
  
"Demons nice?" Draco smirked "Where are you from?"  
  
"America didn't you hear. Dumbledore announced it to everyone," Alanna grinned. Blaise had her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.  
  
Draco frowned "Why do you have such long, pointy ears?" he asked.  
  
"These?" Alanna asked tugging at her elf ears. "There elf ears. Don't you know what a elf is?" she asked. Maybe being a Slytherin won't be that bad.  
  
* Gryffindor Table *  
  
"Hi," Lorina smiled at the three people sitting across from her. One she recognized.  
  
"Hello," A girl with brown bushy hair smiled. "I'm Hermione Granger. So, your from America is it nice there? Where in America are you from? What the weather like there? Are you going to miss your friends? And teachers?" she was going a mile-a-minute. Lorina's was spinning from all the questions.  
  
"Slow down Hermione! Don't want to give the new girl a heart attack," A redheaded boy said. "I'm Ron Weasley by the way,"  
  
"Nice to both of you," Lorina said, after her head recovered.  
  
"So, will you miss it?" Hermione asked again a little slower.  
  
"No, not really. My dad lives here and my teachers weren't that great. The only friend I'd miss is Alanna but, she's here." Lorina said, motioning towards the Slytherin table.  
  
"Your friends with a Slytherin!" Ron practically yelled.  
  
"Yea, is that bad?" Lorina looked puzzled.  
  
"Only that they are the worst gits in the world!" Ron looked ready to pull his hair out.  
  
Lorina remembered what her dad had said about Slytherin but, he had met Alanna and liked her. "But Alanna isn't like that!"  
  
"All Slytherins are like that!" Ron said calming down a bit. Which isn't much.  
  
"But Lanna isn't. We've been friends for years," Lorina said, sticking up for her friend.  
  
"But all Slytherins...." Ron got cut off by Hermione.  
  
"Ron!" Hermione said, giving him a stern look. Making her look creepily like McGonagall. Ron mumbled something and glared at his food.  
  
"Sorry about him," Hermione apologized.  
  
"That's fine. So, Harry have a good trip here?" Lorina asked the ever quite Harry.  
  
Harry looked up at her from his food. "Yea, but why did your friend, Alanna start talking about Seamus and Dean?"  
  
"Er... We were in a compartment with them and left are trunks in there. When we had to make a quick exit," Lorina explained.  
  
"Speaking of your friend why did she have pointy ears?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Her elf ears?" Lorina giggled "She has an obsession with elves, so she charmed hers to look like that."  
  
"There is a spell for that?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Yup, there's a spell for everything," Lorina clarified.  
  
A light bulb clicked on in Ron's little head. "Your the girls Harry was talking about from the train," he said more to himself then anyone.  
  
"The one and only," Lorina smiled  
  
********  
  
(Author's Note: Sho that was it what did you think?! Please Review!! Review Review!! or I'll sick my giant killer dust bunny on u!!!! c ya next time*grins evilly*  
  
Thanks to my two Reviewers!!  
  
Prongs aka Katie: Yes that was Laura and I amaze a lot of people that i'm still alive!! *grins*  
  
Sliver Moon Wolf aka Laura: Don't worry I will sho stop bouncing on my head already!! 


	4. Tension Donut

Authors Note: yay my 4th chappie is up!!! it's a lot better then my other chapters if i do say so myself!! yes my characters did get weirder but hey who cares!! they might be a bit OOC if they are then o' well *grins* okay then read people read do not listen to me babble!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the other characters!! If you think that good for you!! I do own Alanna though *huggles* and my friend owns Lorina!! and I own the Tension Donut and my puter!! Chapter 4: Tension Donut  
  
Lorina yawned and stretched her arms out. She opened her eyes and looked around stunned at what she saw.  
  
"Where am I?" she half shouted, looking around the Great Hall. Many people were staring at her by now. "Oh, wait. I remember I'm at breakfast," she said. All the people that were staring at her before, stared some more but, eventually went back to what they were doing.  
  
"Are you okay?" Ron asked, a look of mild concern on his face.  
  
"Yup I'm fine," Lorina said, smiling.  
  
"Hey, Rina!" Came Alanna's voice from behind her.  
  
"Hey Lanna! Have a good night... where have you been... wait a minute... what happened to your face?" Lorina said, like it was all one thought, looking at Alanna as she slid into the seat next to her.(A/N: she didn't have her elf ears)  
  
"Oh, nothing," Alanna sighed, grabbing a muffin. "I just forgot 'bout my cat this morning and she got her slice of vengeance." she said lightly touching her face where three scratches were.  
  
"You understood that?" Hermione asked, wide-eyed. She understood many languages but not Lorina's.  
  
"Know her for six years and you would to," Alanna smirked "So Rina get your schedule?"  
  
"Yup, here." And she slid her schedule over to Alanna.  
  
While Alanna was looking back and forth between her schedule and Lorina's, Ron let out a high pitched squeak and shouted "AAAHHH!! SLYTHERIN!!" At the top of his lungs. Just realizing Alanna was there.  
  
"No need to shout!" Alanna glared at Ron.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Ron asked glaring right back.  
  
"Having breakfast," Alanna smirked and pointed to her muffin.  
  
"Why aren't you with the other Slytherin scum?!"Ron practically shouted, still glaring furiously.  
  
"RON!!" Hermione shouted, glaring at him.  
  
"What Hermione? You know this... Slytherin shouldn't be here!" Ron said, rounding on Hermione.  
  
"Ron was it? Maybe you should get to know me before you make guesses," Alanna hissed, grabbed her muffin and schedule and walked out of the Great Hall.  
  
"Well, that was pleasant," Harry stated, staring after Alanna.  
  
"It was, wasn't it," Lorina said in total seriousness, not getting that he was being sarcastic.  
  
Ron and Hermione were bickering with each other about something or other. So, Harry just stared at Lorina.  
  
"What?!" she finally said.  
  
"Nothing," Harry smiled, for no reason.  
  
"We better get to class!" Hermione declared(Seems her and Ron are done fighting)  
  
"Where to?" Lorina asked and Harry looked at his schedule.  
  
"Double potions," Harry grimaced.  
  
"We still have potions with the Slytherins?" Ron sighed.  
  
"Yay, class with Lanna!" Lorina smiled happily.  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione just stared at her.  
  
"What?!" she asked glancing at all three of them.  
  
******  
  
The whole way to potions Ron and Harry told Lorina how big of a 'Slimy Git' Snape was. Lorina just nodded along saying "Mmhmm" now and then.  
  
They got there early and Alanna was standing outside waiting.  
  
"Lanna," Lorina said and bounced over.  
  
"Hey," Alanna smiled then noticed Ron and glared at him.  
  
"How early are we?" Harry asked Hermione.  
  
Hermione glanced at her watch. "Five minutes," she said.  
  
"Great, the Slytherins will be here soon," Harry sighed.  
  
Alanna mock- glared at him. "What's so bad about us Slytherins anyway?" she asked.  
  
"Malfoy," Ron spat out. Everyone turned to see what Ron was talking about and saw Malfoy and his entourage of Slytherins.  
  
"Hello, Potter, Weasel, Granger," Draco drawled.  
  
"Ferret-face," Ron shot back at him.  
  
"Ferret-face what kinda insult is that?" Alanna asked, Lorina shrugged.  
  
"He was turned into a ferret in fourth year by our DADA teacher," Harry explained, glaring at Malfoy.  
  
"Ah, okay proceed," Alanna grinned.  
  
Instead of saying anything Ron and Draco just glared at each other.  
  
"Wow, the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife," Alanna remarked to Lorina. Lorina conjured up a knife and cut the tension into a donut.  
  
Lorina took a bite of her tension donut. "Mmm... yummy!" she said happily.  
  
"Eh? I want some tension donut," Alanna grinned evilly.  
  
"No it's mine!" Lorina shielded the donut from Alanna. Alanna made some grabs for it but Lorina took of screaming down the corridor with Alanna on her heels. This was enough to stop the glaring party and everyone watched the girls running down the corridor. (A/N: did i mention that the Gryffindors magically appeared)  
  
"It's mine!" Lorina screamed behind her.  
  
"Aw! I just want an itty bitty taste," Alanna grinned even wider.  
  
"NO!!" Lorina screamed and ran into something or someone.  
  
"Ms. Black in the future you should watch where your going!" A silky yet hateful voice voice said.  
  
Lorina looked up and meet two black hateful eyes. That were attached to a scowling face and greasy black hair. "Yes, professor," she said taking a step back.  
  
Snape looked past her and glared at Alanna who was frozen still posed mid- run.  
  
"Hayes what are you doing?" he hissed.  
  
"Nothing," Alanna said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.  
  
Snape looked past her at everyone else staring. "Well, get to class!" he ordered and with a quick flick of his wand, unlocked the door.  
  
Everyone hurried in.  
  
*****  
  
Argus Filch(A/N: Is that how you spell his name?) wobbled (yes, wobbled) into the second year Ravenclaw's transfigurations class.  
  
"Yes, Argus," McGonagall inquired.  
  
"'Something you out to see," Filch said, his expression told her that she needed to see this.  
  
McGonagall looked over her students. "I'll be back," she said and followed filch out. (A/N: what do you expect these are Ravenclaws)  
  
*****  
  
Snape was taking points off of Gryffindor and ignoring anything the Slytherins did. Normal potions class. They were all paired up making potions.  
  
"Professor why do you pick on the Gryffindors?" Lorina asked all of a sudden.  
  
"That is none of your business," Snape hissed, walking from Harry and Ron's cauldron to her and Alanna's, glaring.  
  
"But it is I'm in Gryffindor," Lorina said. Alanna gave her a sideways glance, wondering what she was doing.  
  
"Do not speak when I am talking!" Snape snapped, now standing directly in front of her, glaring.  
  
"But you weren't talking," Lorina said, staring up at him.  
  
"That will be ten points for talking back," Snape hissed, but looked happier all of a sudden.  
  
"Hey! She didn't do anything!" Alanna said, snapping into defense mode. "Though that was a strange question but, anyway, she didn't do anything well, she might have..."  
  
"That is enough Ms. Hayes," Snape hissed, glaring at the rambling Slytherin.  
  
"But she didn't do anything!" Alanna persisted, scowling at him.  
  
"As I said Ms. Hayes, enough!" Snape was livid now, having to deal with these two girls.  
  
"Enough!!" Lorina screamed, giving him a glare that would make old Voldie run. Her eyes went from a soft grey to pure black. Alanna noticed this and went wide-eyed.  
  
"AAAHH!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!" Alanna screamed and started flailing her arms around. Everyone looked up from their potions at the two.  
  
"didn't you hear me I said RUN!!" she yelled out the last word and started running back and forth around the room, still flailing her arms. Then it happened. Lorina stood up in her chair, slid out her wand from sleeve and with a quick flick Snape had a giant, huge, red....  
  
(Stalls for effect)  
  
Strawberry for a head.  
  
******  
  
McGonagall was following Filch down towards the dungeons. She could hear screaming and shouting.  
  
As they kept getting closer the noise was getting steadily louder.  
  
******  
  
"What happened?" Lorina asked, confused.  
  
Alanna stopped running long enough to see Lorina had gone back to normal. She looked at everybody, they were all staring at something behind her. She turned and saw Snape's body and a giant strawberry where his head should have been. Alanna promptly fell to the ground laughing hysterically, so did all the Gryffindors.  
  
Lorina looked around confused. "What happened?" she repeated.  
  
The Slytherins didn't think it was funny and were glaring at the Gryffindors.(A/N: I wonder why hmm.... oh yay Snape is their head. Okay sry)  
  
"It's not funny!" One of the Slytherins yelled. It sounded like Malfoy but no one could really tell. Some spells were shouted, on the Slytherins parts, one hit Neville who immediately got boils and an other hit some anonymous Gryffindor.(aka Hermione)  
  
The Gryffindors stopped laughing and glared at the Slytherins. Some spells were done on their parts and they got into a all out battle.  
  
Alanna and Lorina were standing in the front of the room watching them destroy desks, take people down, and general havoc.  
  
"So, what happened?" Lorina asked, glancing at Snape with his strawberry head.  
  
"Well you um... I got it Sevie the Strawberry Head!" Alanna announced proudly with a smile. "Okay, erm... I'm not quite sure,"  
  
"Oh, well how are we going to change him back?"Lorina asked  
  
"Not sure," Alanna said and started poking the strawberry. There was no reaction, in fact Snape hadn't moved an inch.  
  
"lets sit him down," Lorina suggested and they steered him to his chair and sat him in it.  
  
"Well, that looks better," Alanna smiled evilly. "You know I like him better like this, more quite." she said and climbed up and sat on top of the giant strawberry to get a good look at the battle.  
  
Lorina smiled and sat on Snape's desk. Smiling absently as if she was watching a puppy not people killing each other.  
  
*****  
  
Filch and McGonagall were right outside the potions room, She could hear yelling coming from inside.  
  
Filch pushed the door open and let her walk in first. She couldn't believe what she saw.  
  
*****  
  
Alanna saw the door being pushed open, 'cause she was sitting on top of Sevie the Strawberry head's head.  
  
"STOP!!"she screamed. No one was listening. "Damn," she sighed, slid of Snape's head and waited for the impending doom.  
  
The door slid open all the way and McGonagall walked in followed by Filch.  
  
"My lord," McGonagall said, a little shocked by the fighting students. "What is going on here?" she bellowed. No one heard.  
  
"STOP THIS INSTANT!!" she screeched, so loud it was ear shattering. Everyone froze and looked towards her.  
  
"What is going on here?" she asked in a stern voice, looking around for an answer.  
  
"Uh... well, you see professor, we were..." Someone took a whack at it. Everyone just grimaced.  
  
"You will all be getting a weeks worth of detention," McGonagall sheathed. "Where was professor Snape through all this?" she asked. Everyone pointed to the chair.  
  
McGonagall looked and saw Alanna and Lorina. They were pointing to the chair as well. She saw Snape's body attached to a strawberry where his head should be. "What happened?" she asked.  
  
"It was them!" Some random person shouted pointing to Alanna and Lorina.  
  
"How did this happen?" she asked them.  
  
"Erm... well it's like this um...." Alanna searched for an answer.  
  
"Argus take Ms. Black and Ms. Hayes to the Headmaster's office," McGonagall ordered. "GO!" she said to Alanna and Lorina.  
  
They sighed and followed Filch out.  
  
******  
  
Authors note: heh hope u liked it one of my better chapters so far. *strokes cat like evil genius* what will happen next??? *Hermione raises her hand* I know I know)  
  
Oh shut up Hermione!! don't give it away *glares at Hermione*  
  
hehe character abuse. Anyway thankies to my two Reviewers for being reviewers!! yup im making since (o shut up) make me um... sry fighting with my self. Anyway REVIEW or be purged by Joe my inner evil genius!! 


	5. Little Burning Bread House of Doom

Authors Note: yay!!! my 5 chappie!!!! well, read people read!!  
  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Harry Potter or any of the other characters!!*cries* I do own Alanna, biscuits, and the Little Burning Bread House!! Lorina is not my OC!!  
  
Chapter 5: Little Burning Bread House of Doom  
  
Alanna and Lorina were walking up the stairs to Dumbledore's office. Filch had told them to just go up the stairs and knock on the door or something like that.  
  
"What do you think he'll say?" Lorina asked nervously.  
  
"Well, I'm sure he won't be too mad,: Alanna assured her. "It's only are first day!"  
  
"Your right,"Lorina smiled.  
  
"Yup," Alanna said.  
  
They reached the door and knocked. They heard a "Come in" and opened the door. Alanna walked in and looked around the plush office with its different magical things, pictures of the old heacmasters, and her eyes rested on Dumbledore, a old man with a loong white beard, white hair, and a knowing snile. Lorina came in and looked around as well.  
  
"Please sit," Dumbledore said from his desk. Lorina and Alanna walked over and took the two chairs in front of his desk. "Biscut?"he asked.  
  
"No. thanks," Alanna frowned.  
  
"Sure," Lorina smiled and grabbed a biscuit from the tray. "Thank you."  
  
"Pumpkin Pasties?" Dumbledore asked, smiling.  
  
"No. Thank you," Lorina smiled, nibbling on her biscuit.  
  
"No, Headma-" Alanna started.  
  
"Please, call me professor," Dumbledore smiled. "Chocolate frog?" Alanna sighed. Lorina smiled. It continued like this for a while. Dumbledore probably offered them fifty things or more. All were turned down.  
  
"Down to business. What happened?" Dumbledore finally asked.  
  
"I'm not sure," Lorina admitted.  
  
"Ms. Hayes?" Dumbledore asked, looking over at Alanna. He got a shock when he saw her asleep in the chair. "Ms. Hayes!" he repeated, quit amused. Lorina leaned over and poked Alanna, hard.  
  
Alanna woke with a start. "What? Where am I?" she looked around, eyes narrowing. "Oh, what happened?" she asked.  
  
"I wanted to know what happened in potions," Dumbledore said.  
  
"Oh, well. Hey! How do you know about potions?" Alanna asked, eyes narrowing more, studying him. Dumbledore just smiled. "Anyway, Snape was taking lots of points off of Gryffindor for no good reason. When Lorina asked him why and he got pissed and took more points off. Then I stood up for her, then he got pissed at me. That's when Lorina lost it and her dark side took over and Snape ended up with a strawberry for a head." Alanna explained so very well. Then she told him about all the rest of the stuff.  
  
"Is that what happened Ms. Black?" he asked just to make sure.  
  
"Yes. pretty much," Lorina smiled. "Though i still don't remember turning Snape's head into a strawberry but, I never do." she sighed.  
  
"Then I'll give some of the ponts back to Gryffindor," Dumbledore smiled. "Severus has been a little on edge lately." he explained.  
  
"Do we still have-" Alanna started.  
  
"Yes, Ms. Hayes, you and Ms. Black still have to do detention." he chuckled amusidly.  
  
"Darn," Alanna frowned.  
  
"Is that all professor? We don't want to be late for class," Lorina smiled.  
  
"Yes, that is all." Dumbledore smiled his ever present smile.  
  
"Bye, professor!" Lorina smiled for the millionth time.  
  
"Bye," Alanna frowned.  
  
They got up and left his office, running down the stairs. When they were at the bottom Lorina turned to Alanna.  
  
"I like him," She smiled.  
  
"you would," Alanna joked "We still have detention. For a week!"she pouted.  
  
"It's not that bad," Lorina grinned "We've had millions of detentions."  
  
"And millions more ahead," Alanna had a wicked grin.  
  
"Well we better get to class," Lorina sighed "don't want to be late. What do you have?" she asked.  
  
"History of Magic," Alanna grimaced.  
  
"sucks to be you," Lorina giggled.  
  
"DIE!!" Alanna glared at her. "Well see ya!" she grinned and took of down the corridor.  
  
*****  
  
Alanna was about to dive into a swimming pool. When she glanced down and noticed it wasn't water but pudding. Wondering why there was a giant swimming pool of pudding she looked around and saw Lorina in a blue bathing suit shooting whipcream at someone. Alanna was about to ask her what was going on when she started hearing voices.  
  
"Just do it," a male voice said.  
  
"Why don't you?!" said a girl voice.  
  
"Because it was your idea," the male voice said "Just do it!"  
  
Alanna thought they were talking about diving into the pudding. She shrugged and jumped off the diving board. When she finally hit the pudding she felt a sharp pain in her ribs and opened her eyes.  
  
Alanna woke with a start. "What the hell!? What was that?!" she shouted and looked around the History of Magic room, lots of people were asleep, others talking while Professor Binns droned on. Then at Blaise who had a guilty expression. "Blaise what was that?" she asked, rubbing her side.  
  
"You were saying stuff about pudding and whipcream. People were starting to stare, well, the ones that were awake," Blaise grinned.  
  
"you didn't have to break my ribs!" Alanna glared.  
  
"We tried poking you, yelling in your ear, and shaking you," Draco smirked from Alanna's other side.  
  
"Well, thanks!" Alanna said sarcastically, turning to glare at him.  
  
"Know what I can't believe," Blaise said, changing the subject.  
  
"No. What?" Alanna asked uninterested.  
  
"That your friends with a Gryffindor," Blaise frowned.  
  
"GAH!!" Alanna cried and banged her head on the desk. Not this again.  
  
*******  
  
Lorina was sitting in Transfiguration trying to turn a tea pot into a toucan. (A/N: Wow) She glared at the tea pot in deep concentration.  
  
"If you stare at the tea pot any harder you may burn a hole in it," a voice whispered in her ear.  
  
She jumped and turned to see Harry grinning at her.  
  
"Why can't we just make tea?" Lorina asked.  
  
Harry laughed and smiled.  
  
"What?" Lorina asked. Hermione glared at them for talking, she already had a toucan sitting in front of her.  
  
"I can't do it!" Ron said, exasperated. Earning a stern look from McGonagall.  
  
"It's okay Ron," Lorina smiled "It's a rather hard spell."  
  
Hermione snorted.  
  
Lorina went back to glaring at the tea pot. She pointed her wand at it said the magic word and presto chango, the tea pot was a toucan.  
  
"I did it! I did it! I did it!" Lorina chanted, doing the 'I did it' dance in her chair. McGonagall looked over at her sternly and Lorina giggled lightly.  
  
*****  
  
Lorina walked into the Great Hall with ' The Trio'. She scaned the Slytherin table and saw Alanna sitting next to Draco and Blaise. Alanna had made a fort out of bread, set it on fire, and was now chanting "Burn baby burn" over and over again. Like the little pyromaniac she was. Lorina smiled. Alanna looked up like she heard Lorina smiled, looked over at her and wave, mouthing for her to come over. Then went back to her fire, which only the teachers didn't seem to be able to see, for most of the students were watching the little burning bread house and Alanna.  
  
"I'm gonna go sit with Alanna," Lorina said to ' The Trio'.  
  
Ron looked like he was going to say something but Hermione glared at him to shut up. Harry just shook his head at the two and Lorina skipped off.  
  
"What's that?" Lorina asked, pointing at the little burning bread house, over Alanna's shoulder.  
  
"My little burning bread house of doom!" Alanna said proudly, a maniac glint in her eyes.  
  
"HEY! DRACO MY SECOND COUSIN OF MINE!!!" Lorina shouted and hugged him from behind. This caught the attention of everyone and they all stared.  
  
Draco's eyes went wide and he ran screaming from the Great Hall. Lorina giggled insanely and slid into his seat.  
  
"What was that again?" Lorina asked.  
  
"Little burning bread house of doom," Alanna said staring into the flames.  
  
"Why isn't it getting smaller?" Lorina asked, 'cause the house was still a whole house.  
  
"Spell," Alanna grinned. She grabbed a pitcher of ice tea and poured it over the burninf house. Now it was the Little Smoking Bread House of Doom.  
  
"Yummy. Toast!" Alanna smiled happily, grabbing a roof piece and munching on it.  
  
"You wasted good tea!" Lorina glared indignantly.  
  
"Here you go," Alanna said and scooted a pitcher of green tea over to Lorina. Who gave a happy squeal of approval and drank the tea right out of the pitcher.  
  
"Yummy tea!" Lorina squealed. By now everyone was gawking at them and the Slytherins had slid down away from them in fear and disgust.  
  
"Yup," Alanna smiled, replaced the roof piece and set the house on fire again. And was again staring into the flames.  
  
******  
  
Nothing really happened in Divination, which was there next and last class of the day. Trelaweny predicted Harry's death for the fifteen millionth time. Alanna and Lorina laughed hysterically at her and every so often she would frown at them.  
  
*******  
  
It was dark when Snape woke up in the Hospital Wing. Remembering vaguely about having a strawberry head. Well that was insane. He glanced around, he was the only one there. (A/N: the people that got hit in the hit in battle weren't that bad and got fixed right up.) There was a light on in Pomfrey's office. Then he noticed eyes staring at him from a corner near the door. Snape blinked and looked back, the eyes were gone. I must be imagining things, he thought. He turned over and came face to face with... Alanna. (A/N: Buahahaha!!) She was grinning insanely at him.  
  
"Hi Sevie! Have a nice nap?" she asked grinning.  
  
"Get out of here!" Snape demanded.  
  
"Aw! But Sevie I came to say hi," Alanna said looking mock- hurt.  
  
"I don't care! Get out!" Snape hissed.  
  
"Fine, Madam Pomfrey said for you to take that." she said pointing to a potion on Snape's bedside table. He looked at it then back at Alanna but, she was gone. Thinking this was all some weird dream, Snape took the potion and went back to sleep.  
  
*****  
  
Authors Note: Wow my OC's Keep getting stranger and stranger!!*Everyone nods there head in agreement* yup well that's chapter 5!! hehe in my next chappie Snape,who will from now on be called Sevie in my story, learns a very valuable lesson. And the Gryff/ Slyth go to detention!! great fun!! next chappie should be out soon.  
  
Review!!!!!! and Joe says hi!! 


	6. Sevie Gets a Boob Job or Transfig Lesson...

Author's Note: my sixth chappie!! yippee!! i took me a while to write this one i got a case of writer's bloke but my friend Katie helped. The end part and the beginning of the next chappie was her idea sho... hehe anyway enjoy!!  
  
Chapter 6: Sevie gets a boob job Or Transfig. Lessons Gone Bad  
  
"Where have you been?" Lorina asked as Alanna came running into McGonagall's office, where all the other Gryffindors and Slytherins were.  
  
Alanna grinned mischievously "places," she answered simply.  
  
"You missed dinner," Lorina said.  
  
"Yea I know." Alanna said. The door opened and McGonagall walked in, everyone shut up.  
  
"Now you all will be cleaning the Great Hall," McGonagall said, everyone groaned. Alanna gave a very exaggerated groan and grinned when McGonagall gave her 'the look' "You will not use magic." she continued. "Do not try. I have put up magic detecting sensors and the person that does shall get a week more detention. Now GO!"  
  
**********  
  
"Do you think she was telling the truth?" Alanna asked. Her and Lorina were moping around the Ravenclaw table.  
  
"'bout what?" Lorina asked.  
  
"The spell sensor," Alanna sighed.  
  
"Only one way to find out," Lorina grinned evilly.  
  
"You or me?" Alanna asked with an identical grin.  
  
"Me." Lorina said and mumbled something. A second later the whole Great Hall was sparkling clean and everyone was looking around confused.  
  
The next second McGonagall burst through the doors looking pissed.  
  
"WHO USED MAGIC!?" she shouted. Lorina quickly pointed to a random person, who just happened to be Draco. "Mr. Malfoy," McGonagall said. She walked over to him, grabbed his shirt collar, and dragged him across the floor kicking and screaming from the Great Hall. "you can all go!" she said over her shoulder.  
  
"I WILL GET YOU!!" Draco screamed pointing at Lorina.  
  
"I want you all here tomorrow!" McGonagall said, making sure to hit Draco's head against the door on the way out.  
  
"The spell worked!" Alanna laughed after McGonagall was gone. Lorina nodded.  
  
*********  
  
Sevie aka Snape was getting dressed in his chamber.(of forbidden pleasures*snickers*) When he caught a gleams of himself in the mirror. Something was wrong, very wrong indeed.  
  
"HAYES!!" Sevie shouted and birds flew out of the forest like in most movies when people scream really loud. Little did he know that the person he wanted to strangle was outside his door listening.  
  
"Muahahahahahahahahaha!" she laughed evilly all the way home er... The Great Hall.  
  
*******  
  
Alanna was happily eating breakfast in The Great Hall. She was in a very good mood for no apparent reason.  
  
"Your in a good mood," Draco said, half questioningly, half just stating the obvious.(but we love him for it)  
  
"Yup," Was all she said, bouncing in her seat, munching happily on a piece of toast, not very aware of where she was.  
  
"Why?" he asked.  
  
"'Cause," she said.  
  
"That doesn't tell me anything," Draco scowled and looked around, his attention turned to under the table where Crabbe and Goyle were making out. Draco got slightly whiter then normal and his eyes bugged-out.  
  
"I didn't know you two were gay!" he said, shocked and kinda disgusted.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle stopped making out and looked at Draco.  
  
"What did you think we did those nights?" Goyle-the-slightly-less-dumb-one asked. Crabbe just stared with his mouth open drooling.  
  
"Not that!" Draco snapped "Well, this explains a lot... wait a second. That's why YOU TWO WERE ALWAYS STARING AT MY ASS!!" he shouted the last part loud enough for everyone to hear and they all turned to gap at him then started laughing. Draco blushed a little and slouched down in his seat.  
  
"There are kids here, Draco. We don't need to hear that language!" Alanna said disapprovingly.  
  
"Language? You use bad language all the time!" he said, looking dumbfounded.  
  
"Your such a boob." Alanna shot. "Speaking of boobs," she said perking up. "Where' Sevie?"  
  
"Sevie?" Draco asked, questioningly.  
  
"It's what I Professor Snape. Isn't it cute?" Alanna said happily.  
  
"Yea cute. I'm sure he'll love it," he sniggered. As real Slytherins snigger or snort but never laugh at least not in public or sober.  
  
"So were is the little nymph?" she asked.(nymph is not a word commonly used to describe Sevie but oh well*shrugs*)  
  
"How should I know?!" Draco drawled,(yes his drawl is back everyone RUN!) not commenting on the nymph thing.  
  
At that exact moment the doors to the Great Hall banged open, rather dramatically, and in walked Sevie clad(hehe i like that word clad its a nice word. Clad!!) in black. But something wasn't right. Something was wrong, very wrong indeed. He had things that shouldn't be there, things that were strange for him to have. He had... BOOBS!! Really big boobs.(tell me you didn't see that coming?!muahahaha!)  
  
Everyone in the Great Hall gaped at him for the longest time. He looked a little paler then usual. The they all burst out laughing. Even the Slytherins, which is pretty sad, his own house was laughing at him.  
  
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!" Sevie commanded. No one did.  
  
"Aw! Is little Sevie-poo not happy with his triple E cup!?" Alanna asked, grinning wickedly.  
  
"You! I will kill you!" Sevie yelled, giving Alanna a death glare that he, himself would run from.  
  
Alanna just grinned wider. Draco, sitting next to her, was laughing so hard he peed his pants. Feeling really embarrassed, he high-tailed it outta there. A fresh wave of laughter exploded and Alanna grinned on.  
  
"Looks like Malfoy needs some pull ups!" A random Hufflepuff laughed. Even more laughter followed.  
  
"I'm going to wipe that grin of your face!" Sevie yelled and lunged at Alanna.  
  
"EEKS!"she squeaked. She quickly jumped up and out of the way. She started running out of the Great Hall, Sevie hot on her trail.  
  
"I'm gonna string you up in the dungeons by your ankles!!" he yelled. Chasing her out. They disappeared out the door and yelling was heard as they ran down the hall. Everyone was silent.  
  
"Oh my," Lorina said from her spot at the Gryffindor table.  
  
Dumbledore was smiling up from the staff table. Very amused by the whole thing.  
  
"Severus has gone too far this time!" McGonagall said and jogged out of the great hall. Presumably to go find Sevie and Alanna.  
  
******  
  
Lorina walked to Defense Against the Dark Arts with the 'trio'.  
  
"I wonder who the new teacher is?" Harry asked as they walked.  
  
"We never seem to keep one for to long do we." Hermione remarked.  
  
"I know!" Lorina cheered.  
  
"What?" Ron asked, confused.  
  
"I know who the DADA teacher is!!" she smiled.  
  
"Who is it?" Harry asked.  
  
"Not tellin'! Sorry," Lorina smiled.  
  
After some more talking and trying to get Lorina to tell them, they finally made it to the DADA room. (A/N: YAY!!)  
  
They opened the door, walked in and who should be sitting at the teachers desk but....... REMUS LUPIN!!!!!!(A/N: had to bring Remmie back*laughs*)  
  
"Professor Lupin?" Harry, Hermione, and Ron said in unison.  
  
"I thought you quit and weren't coming back," Harry said, looking confused but, happy to see him.  
  
"Not happy to see me?" Lupin asked with a smile. Then thought about what he said and knew that was something Sirius would say. He had been living with him far to long.  
  
"Just surprised," Harry said. Lorina was smiling her head off.  
  
"I see you have meet Lorina," Lupin said, changing the subject.  
  
"You know her?" Ron asked, stupidly.  
  
"Yes, I knew her parents." Lupin said.  
  
"How is my dad?" Lorina asked.(hinthint)  
  
"He's fine, never better. A little bored though," Lupin grinned.  
  
"Yea, he has a VERY short attention span." Lorina nodded.  
  
"Yes," Lupin sighed. He noticed everyone else coming in and sitting down. "Well, get to your seats. Lets get this class started." he smiled.  
  
*******  
  
Sevie's chase was fruitless. He hadn't caught her.(meaning Alanna) He didn't even scare her. How pathetic. Then McGonagall found him and made him go teach his class. He frowned. 'That damn ruins everything' he thought 'I shall get my revenge' he smiled. ' Yes, when Hayes least expects it I'll be there and get her.'  
  
He was smiling stupidly, thinking of revenge. He was also in the middle of class and giving the poor Hufflepuff and Gryffindor 4th years a heart attack.'Revenge will be sweet.' (yes, he still has boobs but he doesn't seem to know or care)(A/N: this would be the part where he cackles evilly but he doesn't)  
  
**********  
  
A few weeks passed, nothing major happened. Sevie turned out to be a stalker and a crappy one at that. Alanna always knew when he was there. She had officially renamed him 'Sevie the Stalker'. Draco on the other hand was waiting for the perfect moment to make his move on Lorina. He had a bad thing with grudges, he keep them. Oh, yea and Sevie got his boobs taken off so he looked all manly man like again.(A/N: if he did in the first place*cringes*) All was normal for a while... well as normal as it gets with two psycho Americans, Stalker Sevie, and a whole castle of things to get into.  
  
So anyway that's enough of that back to what matters.  
  
The Gryffindors and Slytherins were all sitting in a rather boring Transfig.(transfiguration) class. Every couple of minutes she would look up and glare at them, still kinda mad about the whole 'Strawberry head/ let's kill each other' thing. Lorina and Alanna were sitting at a table together. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting behind them. They were all trying to turn turtles into tape.(A/N:*shrugs*) Alanna was sitting there with her feet propped up on the table and the chair lend back so it was only on two legs, her eyes closed like she was asleep. She hadn't done the assignment though. Lorina was glaring daggers at her turtle, who was hiding in it's shell, then turned and looked at Alanna.  
  
"Are you going to do it?!" she asked, scowling. She was the more studious one, which wasn't saying much.  
  
"Yea, yea I'll get to it," Alanna drawled boredly.(A/N: AAHH!! she drawled must be hanging around Draco to much)  
  
"No, your gonna do it now!" Lorina commanded.  
  
"Or what?!" Alanna challenged.  
  
"Or I'll.... I'll... well I'll do something bad!"Lorina said, eye twitching slightly.(A/N: yes she really does do that I do too!!)  
  
"Fine," Alanna smirked, having successfully pissed Lorina off. "I'll do it now."  
  
Lorina got a smug look. "Good!" And went back to glaring at her turtle, who was trying to commit suicide by jumping off the table. "Silly turtle," she giggled and grabbed it, putting it back where he was.  
  
Alanna sighed, took her feet off the desk. Her seat coming down with a sharp clumping noise and got to work. "Hmmmmm...." she mused "What a strange thing to do a turtle into tape..... Okay how do you do this? Right then... okay getting to work-"  
  
"You know the first sign of insanity is when you talk to yourself." Came a smug drawl.  
  
Alanna was brought back to reality and looked up to see Draco smirking at her. She gave him a dirty look. "What?I'm busy!" she snapped.  
  
"Yea, real busy." Draco almost laughed, snorting instead.  
  
"I am. See!" she said and waved her wand at the turtle. Which did not turn into tape but a big creature with a lion's head, goat's body, and a dragon's tail. The weight of it broke the table. "Eeep...." she choked out.  
  
Lorina backed up into Harry's table, wide-eyed, staring up at the thing. Draco looked like he was going to wet himself again. Alanna just sat there, staring. And Frodo Baggins skipped down the halls of Hogwarts.(A/N: sorry inside joke. Probably will see him again though)Everyone else started running, frantically, for the door.(A/N: Harry stayed as well)  
  
"Now, now everyone stay calm! Form a single fill line!" McGonagall said, exasperated. She'd never seen anything like it, a simple lesson, so much gone wrong. She looked back at the thing. "Oh forget it," she sighed and ran for the door with the other students.  
  
Harry being the hero type took his wand out and was about to do something when the thing grabbed his wand and ate it. Harry was speechless.  
  
"I know what that is...." Draco said faintly. A lot paler then before. "It's a a Chimaera." he gulped visibly.  
  
"Well... now that we know what it is lets kill it!" Alanna said, a tad bit nervously. "Harry! Harry your the hero type you can kill it!" Lorina nodded along.  
  
Harry frowned. "It ate my wand.... It it ate it," he said more to himself. The thing was starting to get more aware of where it was. This was not a good thing.  
  
"Here." Lorina handed him her wand and smiled.  
  
"Thanks," Harry said and waved it at the beast getting its attention. The thing narrowed its eyes at him. Then Harry mumbled a spell and killed the beast.  
  
Alanna, Lorina, Draco, and Harry all stared at the Chimeara's dead form.  
  
"Is it... dead?" Alanna asked.  
  
"I think so.... Why don't you check Malfoy," Harry grinned.  
  
"I don't think so...." Draco glared.  
  
"Scared?" Harry smirked, knowing this would get to him.  
  
"No, I'm not scared, Potter!" Draco spat and moved closer to the beast's crumpled form. He poked it a couple of times. Nothing happened. "It's dead!"  
  
"Good!" Alanna grinned.  
  
"YAY!!" Lorina smiled and ran over and hugged Harry, kissing him absently, on the cheek as she did so. Harry stiffened. She let go and started jumping up and down, hyper.  
  
"Potter," Draco smirked. "Potter," he waved his hand in front of Harry's face "Potter!" Harry snapped out of it.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"It was just a kiss," Draco smirked.  
  
Harry glared daggers at him. "Right gotta get my wand...." he said, walked over to the Chimeara and stuck his hand up it's butt.  
  
******  
  
Author's Note: What a nice ending don't you think? Cesia: I hate butt humor TBC: don't we all Cesia: then why did you put it in? TBC: because you insisted!! Cesia: oh, yea^^" Joe:*scoffs* Cesia:*glares* TBC: anyway it was a slit cliffie Cesia: not really but okay!! TBC: right anyways What will happen next time!!?!?! Joe: oh joy*scowls*  
  
REVIEW!!!!! 


	7. Insanity is the Name of that Tune

Author's Note: muehehehehe!! I have Finally gotten this chapter written and posted Cesia:*presses applause button and applause sound plays* TBC: thank you thank you Cesia:*shrugs* it's a job TBC: Cesia!!! Cesia: yes TBC: what are you doing?! Cesia: nothing Joe: ha! That's a laugh Cesia: stay outta this Joe!! Joe:*glares* no Cesia:*glares* TBC:*shrugs* anyway on with the Idiots!!  
  
Disclaimer: doesn't it bother you that i always say on with the fic then write the disclaimer?! Heheheheh I'm evil that way!! anyway I don't own any of the HP characters and I DO own Alanna and Silver Wolf Moon owns Lorina.  
  
Chapter 7: Insanity is the name of that tune  
  
Harry glared "Right gotta get my wand....." he said, walked over to the chimaera and stuck his hand up it's butt.  
  
*****  
  
The three other people in the room just kinda stared at Harry with a disgusted interest.(which would be Alanna, Lorina, and Draco)  
  
After some more minutes Harry pulled his hand out, and with it his wand. His wand and arm were covered in nasty, icky, disgusting poo. Harry almost puked when he saw his arm. Draco did puke, in a handy waste basket in the corner. Lorina and Alanna stared at Draco for a while then went back to stare at Harry, who was staring at his hand.  
  
"'Kay then lets get you cleaned up." Alanna smiled and took out her wand and was about to say the spell when Harry stopped her.  
  
"No!! No, not you! Anyone but you!! You might turn it into a tarantula or set mt arm on fire!" Harry half shouted in protest.  
  
"Oh, fine!" Alanna said, crossing her arms over her chest and started pouting like a five year old.  
  
"Lorina can you um... help?" Harry asked as Lorina seemed out in space.  
  
"Sure!" Lorina smiled and picked up her wand off the floor.  
  
"Your going to have her do it!" Alanna said, laughing hysterically like it was the funniest thing in the world.  
  
"Yea! Why not?!" Harry asked.  
  
"Yea!?" Lorina asked, huffily. "I can do it!"  
  
"No offence but you'd probably take his whole arm off," Alanna said, trying to stop laughing.  
  
"Would not!" Lorina shouted.  
  
"Would to!" Lorina said, grinning.  
  
"Would not!"  
  
"Would to!"  
  
"Not!"  
  
"To!"  
  
"Not!"  
  
"To!"  
  
"To!" Lorina said to try and trick her.  
  
"See you agree!" Alanna said, triumphantly.  
  
"I was trying to trick you! You moron!" she screached.  
  
"I am not a moron!" Alanna screamed back.  
  
"Yes, you are!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are to!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are to!"  
  
"Umm.... can one of you just get the poo off i don't care who!!" Harry shouted, Draco perked up as he had stopped upchucking. "Except for you!" Harry added, pointing his poo covered hand at Draco. Draco scowled.  
  
"Okay!" Lorina said, mumbeled the spell and wazoo.... no more poo!  
  
"Thanks," Harry said and put his wand back in his pocket.  
  
"Anytime!" Lorina smiled brightly. Alanna stuck her fingers down her throat and made gagging noises. Lorina didn't notice. Draco smirked.  
  
"Well, let's get out of here, What's next?" Alanna asked brightly. The monster lay dead and forgotten.  
  
"Lunch," Draco put in helpfully.(A/N:don't ask-.-") Harry stared at Draco for the longest time. "What are you looking at potter?! I know I'm handsome but...." he dropped off, shaking his head.  
  
Harry just glared at him, not knowing to say.  
  
"Are we gonna go or not!?" Alanna scowled.  
  
"Yea, lets go!"Lorina chimed in.  
  
"No ones going anywhere till i get an explaination!" Came a silky, smooth(A/N: like Vanilla coke) voice from the door.  
  
They all turned and saw Sevie, Dumbledore, and McGonagall standing in the doorway.  
  
"Now, now Severus I'm sure they have an explaination," Dumbledore smiled. "Biscuit?" Alanna fell down dead.(well pretending) Lorina smiled. Harry just kinda stared and Draco smirked.  
  
********  
  
"I can't believe we got off free!" Lorina cheered, then remembered. "Well, except you of course."  
  
"Yea, a weeks worth of detention courtesy of Sevie and McPain'ntheass," Alanna scowled. "And 50 points off Slytherin. Guess I'm making up for lost time."  
  
"Too bad I didn't get one too. Could have been like when were back in Salem," Lorina grinned.(A/N: yes grinned!)  
  
" I'm surprised they didn't give us any points for killing that thing," Alanna's narrowed as they got closer to their destination, The Care of Magical Creatures class.  
  
"Yea! It would have been the least they could do." Lorina scowled.  
  
"No kidding," Alanna grinned. "Well I wonder what the 'Thing' has for us today?"  
  
"Don't call him a thing! He's very nice!" Lorina said.  
  
"I'm sure he is...." she trailed off as they joined the group, near Hagrids hut.  
  
"Toda' we be learnin' 'bout Doxies!" Hagrid announced. Everyone groaned. (A/N: couldn't think of anything else and Doxies are kinda dangerous*shrugs*)  
  
*****  
  
"You really shouldn't have teased that doxy," Alanna grinned, walking to dinner with Draco after taking him to the hospital wing.  
  
"How did I know it was going to attack?!" Draco said, indignantly. His hand was bandaged where the doxy bite him.  
  
"You act like it's all the doxy's fault," Alanna said, grinning wider.  
  
"It is!" Draco said.  
  
"Riiiiiight," Alanna shook her head at him.  
  
"It was!" Draco insisted.  
  
"Whatever lets you sleep at night," she looked over at him and grinned, he was pouting like a kid. They walked on in silence for a while. Alanna started humming some unknown song and bobbing her head up and down.  
  
Draco stared at her as her bobbing became more violent and she started to pretend she was playing electric guitar. Then she burst into song.  
  
"The kombucha mushroom people, Sitting around all day, Who can believe you, Who can believe you,  
Let your mother pray,(sugar)  
  
I got a gun the other day from Sako,  
  
It's cute, small, fits right in my pocket,  
  
Yeah, right in my pocket, (sugar)  
  
My girl, you know, she lashes out at me sometimes,  
  
And I just kick her, and then she's O.K. ,she's O.K.(sugar)  
  
People are always chasing me down,  
  
Trying to push my face to the ground,  
  
Where all they really want to do,  
  
Is suck out my mother fucking brains, my brains (sugar)."  
  
Draco was still staring as Alanna started dancing around and was still bobbing her head.'Mushroom people? Guns? Sucking out brains?' he was quite confused. She continued.  
  
"The kombucha mushroom people,  
  
Sitting around all day,  
  
Who can believe you,  
  
Who can believe you,  
  
Let your mother pray~,  
  
I sit, in my desolate room, no lights, no music,  
  
Just anger, I've killed everyone,  
  
I'm away forever, but I'm feeling better,  
  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
  
Fuck you, it all goes away,  
  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
  
Fuck you, it all goes away,  
  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
How do I feel, What do I say,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
In the end it all goes away,  
  
In the end it all goes away."  
  
Draco was forever staring, after she finished the song and started walking again, like nothing ever happened. Infact, he wasn't sure if he dreamed it or if it was real. He was very confused. It must have been the potion he took for the bite.  
  
********  
  
"You have detention tonight," Lorina reminded Alanna at dinner.  
  
"Yea, I know. With precious Sevie-poo," Alanna grinned evilly.  
  
"I thought you had it with McGonagall, tonight?" Lorina half asked, half said.  
  
"I did but McGonagall is going to be busy." Alanna said.  
  
"Oh, okay then," Lorina smiled.  
  
"Are you still going to bust me out?" Alanna asked. Hopefully.  
  
"Yea, what time?" Lorina asked.  
  
"Ummm... like maybe. About... I don't know!" Alanna glared at Ron, like it was all his fault but he was talking to Harry and didn't notice.  
  
"That helps," Lorina grinned.  
  
"doesn't it," Alanna said, sarcastically.  
  
"Yup yup!" Lorina smiled.  
  
Alanna sighed. "Just show up 'kay?"  
  
"Right," Lorina nodded.  
  
"Muehehehehehehe!" Alanna burst out in a fit of evil laughter, for no reason.  
  
Lorina soon joined her. "Muahahahahahah!"  
  
*********  
  
"Hello Sevie-poo!" Alanna smiled, walking into Sevie's classroom for detention.  
  
"Don't call me that!" Sevie said as some kind of greeting.  
  
"Call you what?" she asked, innocently.  
  
"That!" he snapped.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh nevermind," he sighed.  
  
"'Kay Sevie-poo!" Alanna said, smiling.  
  
Sevie glared at her. "Since McGonagall will not let me string you up-"  
  
"Kinky," Alanna grinned.  
  
He ignored her. "You will be labeling the jars," he said motioning to all the jars. There were millions.  
  
Alanna grinned. "'Kay," she nodded and with a flick of her wand all the jars were labeled.  
  
"Without magic," Sevie finished. He hadn't noticed the small flick of a wand.  
  
"Done!" Alanna smiled.  
  
Sevie looked around at all the labeled jars. "I said without magic!"  
  
"I did it before you said that though," she explained.  
  
"You should have been listening!" Sevie said, raising his voice.  
  
Alanna shruged. "I'm done. Can I go now?"  
  
"NO!" he yelled.  
  
"But there's nothing for me to do." she sighed.  
  
"I'll think of something. Give me a minute!" And he thought. And thought. And thought. And thought some more.  
  
10 MINTUES LATER.....  
  
Alanna was sitting in a chair and Sevie was still thinking.  
  
"Bye then." Alanna said and walked out. Sevie didn't notice.  
  
3 SECONDS LATER....  
  
"You can-" he stopped and looked around, she was gone. "HAYES!!" he growled and stormed out of the classroom.  
  
*********  
  
Author's Note: and that was it ladies and Joe! Joe:*glares* TBC: hehehe anyways next chapter what will Sevie do? Cesia: Will there be more random bursting into song? Joe: hope not*scowls* TBC: eh heheh^ ^" Will the squirels take over the world?! Cesia: Or will they sing and dance as well? TBC: see ya next chapter!! Cesia:*waves* Joe:*scowls* TBC:*grins and waves*  
  
REVIEW!!! and the cats will love you 


	8. Snape Tortures and the Problems with App...

Author's Note: HEY!! how ya peoples doing? I haven't updated in a while..... sorry to my 3 or 4 reviewers lol. Well this chapter is short and the next chapter will be better this one i was trying to get out quick Cesia:*nods* Lorie:*smiles* TBC: well anyways on to the disclaimer!! lol : P  
  
Disclaimer: if I owned Harry Potter my name would be JK Rowling, I'd be famous, have a nice car, have a nicer puter, live in England, have meet Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Felton, and be richer then the queen. Do you really think I'm JKR??? didn't think so  
  
Chapter 8: Snape Torture and the Problems with Applesauce  
  
"You can-" he stopped and looked around, she was gone. "HAYES!!" he growled and stormed out of the classroom.  
  
**********  
  
"Why are we just walking around?" Ron asked, stupidly. Harry and Hermione shrugged.  
  
"Because it's fun!" Lorina smiled brightly.  
  
The Trio stared at her.  
  
"What?!" Lorina asked.  
  
"Nothing!" they said automatically.  
  
"Okay," she smiled.  
  
"Muehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!" Came a very familiar voice from down the hall. In an instant Alanna had run past, grabbed Lorina's arm as she went, and was gone.  
  
Harry blinked, Hermione blinked, Ron stared. They looked at where Lorina had been standing, then up the hall. Hermione opened and closed her mouth several times. Then a very pissed off looking black, greasy blur, that had to be Sevie, streaked past them. Obviously in pursuit of Alanna. They all stared after him.  
  
"What just happened?" Harry asked, still looking down the hall. Ron and Hermione just continued staring in response.  
  
**********  
  
"Hi Lanna!" Lorina smiled, still being dragged along.  
  
"Hey," Alanna said, not even looking at her.  
  
"Where are we going?" Lorina asked, rather calm for the situation.  
  
Alanna shrugged. "Don't know,"  
  
"How 'bout outside." Lorina suggested.  
  
"Yea, okay." Alanna said, switching her course and running down the staircase. Lorina started running instead of being dragged.  
  
"There you are!" Lorina looked behind her and saw a very infuriated Severus Snape, standing there huffing like he had just ran around the whole castle. Lorina being the clumsy one or the more clumsy one, fell down the stairs 'cause she was looking behind her. Alanna keep running, not even bothering to look up at Sevie as he made his way down the stairs after them. Alanna made to the bottom, grabbed Lorina by the arm again and dragged her off.  
  
************  
  
They finally made it to the door, threw it open and ran outside, Sevie very close behind.  
  
"It's nice out!" Lorina smiled, half skipping half running in no particular direction.  
  
Alanna looked around, thinking fast. A wide grin spread across her face and she started dragging Lorina in the direction of the Quidditch field-pitch- thing.  
  
"Come back here!!" Sevie screamed from the door. Alanna turned around and grinned at him, not looking where she was going and tripped over a hole. Lorina started skipping around her in circles, humming. Alanna looked up and met a very angry looking Sevie. How he got there so fast no one knows.  
  
"Eh heheh. Hi." Alanna said. If this was an anime she would have a sweatdrop on her head. Sevie glared. Lorina was still skipping around both of them.  
  
"Would you stop skipping!!" Sevie snapped, Lorina didn't listen and continued to skip. Alanna sighed, stuck out her foot, and tripped Lorina.  
  
"Ow! My head!" Lorina said rubbing her head, even though she didn't land on her head. Alanna grinned.  
  
"Now," Sevie said, shifting his gaze back to Alanna. Then the ground opened up and the sprinkler system turned on.(A/N: see MoMo I'm using it!!*smiles*)  
  
"Argh!!" Sevie shouted surprised.  
  
"It's raining!" Lorina said in a sing song voice, prancing around.  
  
Alanna looked up then down. "But it's coming from the ground," she said.  
  
Lorina shrugged and kept prancing around.  
  
"I'm blind!!" Sevie suddenly squealed in pain, the sprinkler shot him in the eye. He started staggered backwards and fell into the bug zapper of pure evil doom.(DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN) Pretty fireworks and shocky noises went off.  
  
"oooooooooooooooooh," Alanna stared at the pretty colors.  
  
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah," Lorina stared too.  
  
Sevie was passed out on the ground from the shock and was twitching rather badly. Lorina pranced over and started poking him with her wand.  
  
"Should we leave him here?" she asked.  
  
"Sure. Someone will find him, eventually." Alanna said smiling evilly.  
  
"Okay!" Lorina said, smiling. "Well we better get in it's getting dark,"  
  
"But I wanted to explore the forest," Alanna pouted.  
  
"Later. Tomorrow!" Lorina said, half smiling, half scowling.  
  
"M'kay!" Alanna said and they both skipped up to the castle, leaving poor twitching Sevie behind.  
  
*************  
  
"-and that is why you should never eat applesauce out of the jar." Lorina finished.(A/N: such a wonderful wonderful thing to say*whips tear from eye*)  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at her after her long speech on applesauce. It was quite in depth and none of them thought they'd eat applesauce again.  
  
"What?" she asked, staring back at them.  
  
Harry shook his head, Ron stared at his food like he would never eat again, and Hermione sighed.  
  
"How are my ickle Gryffindors doing?" Alanna asked sliding into the empty seat next to Lorina.  
  
"I was just telling them about applesauce, the pure evil!" Lorina smiled, putting an emphasis on evil.  
  
"Oh, did you tell them to never eat it out of the jar?" Alanna asked.  
  
"Yup," Lorina smiled.  
  
"Good. Lots of people make that mistake and suffer for it," Alanna said, in total seriousness.  
  
"What are you doing here?!" Ron asked with hatred. Which was strange because he didn't really know her but, he had the whole prejudice against Slytherin thing. So it was plosable.  
  
"Ronnie, I thought that time in that closet made you see. I thought you loved me," Alanna said mock-sadly and started fake crying into Lorina's shoulder.  
  
"What? What are you talking about? What time?" Ron turned a nice shade of crimson.  
  
"You don't even remember. I gave you my virginity and you don't remember!" she fake cried more.  
  
Ron turned an even deeper shade and stared down at the table. "I... I don't know what your talking about." Harry and Hermione stared wordlessly. Ron caught Alanna grinning at him out of the corner of his eye and stopped blushing. "You are evil! Just like you evil Slytherin friends!" he spat.  
  
"Alternative!!" yelled the whole Slytherin table at Ron. Ron promptly swore loudly and stomped out of the Great Hall.  
  
Alanna grinned. "And the day isn't worthless."  
  
************  
  
Sevie was again in the hospital wing. He had been found at about 3 AM by Trelawany, who was coming back from a bar and accidentally stepped on him. He had some broken bones from that, not to mention the fact his body was still twitching from the electric shock.  
  
"Tut tut, Severus what have you been doing now?" Pomfrey said to herself as she worked on him. He was still unconscious and couldn't say what happened. But everyone had a pretty good idea.  
  
***********  
  
"I wonder who are new potions professor will be." Alanna said smiling as her and Lorina walked through the halls.  
  
"You think you killed him?!" Lorina looked shocked.  
  
"Well... I mean as a substitute type thing." Alanna explained.  
  
"Why?" Lorina asked.  
  
"I heard that he still hasn't woken up," Alanna said, taping her cheek thoughtfully.  
  
"Still?!"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Wow, it's been what two days?" Lorina asked.  
  
"Yup yup."  
  
"Should we visit him?" Lorina looked down at the floor.  
  
"That would wake him up!" Alanna laughed.  
  
**************  
  
"Mr. Potter,"  
  
Harry turned around to find McGonagall. "Yes, Professor?"  
  
"I just wanted to make sure you know when the Quidditch try-outs are." McGonagall said.(A/N: Isn't she the queen of subtle?*sarcastic*)  
  
"Yea, they're next Saturday why?" Harry looked at her strangely.  
  
"Yes, well, I must be going." she said and scurried off.  
  
"That was weird." Harry said to himself and continued his way to the library to get Hermione.  
  
A/N: remember where Harry is going it may be very important next chapter!! I'm not sure yet. Lol! So there you have it another chapter!!*smiles* stay tuned for the next one soon!!.  
  
Preview: a Ron/Hermione romance? Quidditch try-outs? Sevie waking up? Alanna actually going to DADA? All this and much more coming in the next chapter!!  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!! or beware the lawn gnomes!! 


	9. The Day Ron Meet Hermione and Joe Meet A...

A/N: PREPARE FOR THE END OF THE WORLD!!*coughs* or the end of the sanity.... or what's left of it ^ ^;; well then don't kill me with sharp pointy objects my skin tears easily*smiles nervously* I know it's been a LONG wait but i was busy and I'm not gonna get into detail cause you don't want to hear me ramble on and on you came here for the story so here it is!  
  
Disclaimer: MWAHAHAHA!! I'm so evil*grins* well anyways you know what I own and what I don't have fun!!  
  
Chapter 9: The Day Ron Meet Hermione and Joe meet Alanna's Foot  
  
A girl with long straight dark brown hair was sitting on a guys lap as they bumped along in a carriage.  
  
"This is gonna be so much fun!!" the girl squealed.  
  
You couldn't see the guys face but by the tone of his voice could tell he was smirking.  
  
"Yes, very fun indeed."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Harry walked into the library.(A/N:REMEMBER?! Do you? Do you? Do you?! DO YOU!?!*grins* good... but if not, do not pass go, do not collect 100 dollars, go straight to jail.... GO!!*grins* or you can just go back and read the end of chapter 8*grins*)  
  
Harry walked into the library and saw..... (A/N: you know I think I already said that hmmmmmm... I wonder where I have heard this before...?)  
  
Harry walked into the library and saw a re..... (A/N: is there an echo?*tilts head* Readers:*throw random things at TBC and call her the devil* TBC:*grins*) and saw a red head boy and a girl making out in a chair. As he walked quietly closer he realized it was Ron..... and.... HERMIONE!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"What a nice day!" Lorina said stretching to great the day at..... 1:30 pm....(A/N:- -") She slowly woke up and went to take a shower and get dressed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I AM NOT WEARING THIS!!" Draco shouted from inside the boys dorms.  
  
"Why?!" Alanna asked standing outside the door.  
  
"I feel all different and.... constricted!" he said a little awkwardly.  
  
"They're supposed to be like that." Alanna said with a mix of a smile a smirk and a grin on her face.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dumbly(Dumbledore) was on the potty making a poopoo.(A/N:^ ^ just thought you should know what everyone was doing before I continue with the library scene*grins*)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
.*GASP* Harry quickly hide behind a shelf and continued to stare in disbelief.(A/N: oh my what a naughty boy Harry is) His mind was racing. This couldn't be happening. He looked at them again. But it DEFINENTLY was. He had to get out of there he would talk to Ron later. He had all of forgotten why he had come to the library in the first place. And ran like he was on fire down the corridor.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lorina walked out of the shower sopping wet. She smiled to herself and looked in the mirror. "sigh" She put on a pair of jeans, a red shirt, and over that she put on her long blue cloak. She decided to braid her hair at the top so it was like a crown. She looked in the mirror again. "There all done."  
  
She walked down to the commons and out the portrait hole. And literally ran into Harry well... Harry ran into her but... whatever. Lorina fell to the floor with a thump. Harry who had managed to stay standing stared for a second.  
  
"I'm sorry" Harry said still staring. Lorina looked weirdly at him.  
  
"Uhhh.. it's okay." she said.  
  
"Oh here!" Harry flushed and reached out a hand to help her up.  
  
"Thanks," Lorina smiled and took his hand and got up off the floor. Harry stared at her she looked pretty like that nice and simple and pretty.  
  
"Ummm.. well where are you going?" Harry asked, blushing a little.  
  
"I was gonna go nick some food!" Lorina grinned, much like Alanna's grin it was scary. "I just woke up."  
  
"....."  
  
Lorina smiled.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Are you gonna come out or not?!" Alanna asked getting a little agitated at how long Draco was taking to get on a damn pair of pants.  
  
"Yea yea I'm coming!" He yelled back.  
  
"Thank god," Alanna muttered.  
  
"What was that?" Draco asked as the door opened and out he walked in.....  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"We're here!!" the girl from the carriage shouted with glee(A/N: remember the beginning of this strange chapter?)  
  
The MYSTERIOUS(A/N:lol) man walked slowly behind as the girl skipped up the stairs.  
  
"YAY!!" the girl shouts and continues skipping up the stairs.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dumbly was taking a bath and singing "Rubber Ducky Your the One" to his rubber duck.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
(library)  
  
"Well that was interesting," Ron said breathing heavily with Hermione sitting in his lap in the library.  
  
"Yea*breathe* it was ummmm..." Hermione was blushing as red as Rudolph's nose.... so was Ron for that matter.  
  
"I guess we should get back. Don't want Harry to get suspicious." Ron said, gentle placing a kiss on Hermione's neck.  
  
"Yes, we should. But I don't get why we can't just tell Harry? It's not like your Malfoy or I'm Parkinson or anything." Hermione said being her know-it-all self... as always.  
  
"Yea but it might be weird for him. We're all friends." Ron tried to reason with her.  
  
"Well, I think it's wrong to keep something like this hidden from are best friend." Hermione said and slide off of Ron's lap and started to collect her things.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Draco walked out in tight leather pants.*GASP* Alanna started walking around him inspecting him.  
  
"Hmmmmm..."  
  
"What's with the 'Hmmm..'?" Draco asked following her with his eyes.  
  
"Oh nothing just... you look great in theses pants!!" Alanna beamed.  
  
"Really?" Draco looked at her to see if she was serious.  
  
"Yea... your ass looks nice and well those pants match your image. They scream Draco Malfoy!" Alanna grinned.  
  
"Did you just compliment my arse?" Draco stared at her.  
  
"Yea.... doesn't everybody?" Alanna grinned. But before Draco could answer this age old question the wall opened up to the Slytherin common room and in walked the girl and guy(A/N: that have been talked about throughout this chap)  
  
Alanna stared. "MOMO!!!" she flung her arms around the girl and hugged her.  
  
"Oh!" MoMo smiled.  
  
Alanna looked at MoMo. "Why are you here?"  
  
"Uhhhh... well you tell her Joe." MoMo smiled nervously at Joe. Alanna's head snapped in Joe's direction and she glared at him.  
  
Joe coughed and glared back. "We're here to fill in for Snape," Joe said saying Snape like it was a dirty word.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
A/N: TADA!!*does a lil dance* well that's all for now byebye*waves* 


	10. Where in the World is Lorina Black?

A/N: WOO HOO!! the next chap! Well lets get started!  
  
Disclaimer: I AM A MISHAPEN PIN CUSHION!... of course I don't own Harry Potter  
  
Chapter 10: Where in the World is Lorina Black  
  
~*FlashBack*~  
  
Alanna looked at MoMo. "Why are you here?"  
  
"Uhhhh... well you tell her Joe." MoMo smiled nervously at Joe. Alanna's head snapped in Joe's direction and she glared at him.  
  
Joe coughed and glared back. "We're here to fill in for Snape," Joe said saying Snape like it was a dirty word.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
~*End*~  
  
Alanna stared in shock. "Y....y......y-you!?! No way!" It was the first time anyone had seen her look a little frightened.  
  
"Yes..... way." Joe smirked lightly at Alanna's bewilderment.  
  
"Is that a bad thing?" Draco asked, still in his leather pants by the way.  
  
"YES!!!" Alanna glared at Draco. "well.... Joe is but not MoMo." she hugs MoMo again to show this.  
  
Joe glared. "Yes, well I didn't want to take the job and when I found out you two were here I really didn't"  
  
"I'm sure." Alanna hissed. MoMo was standing next to Draco smiling.  
  
"It's going to be so fun watching you suffer in my class!" Joe grinned disturbingly thinking about it. Alanna glared. Joe was rather surprised Alanna hadn't gotten violent yet. So was MoMo she thought she should change the subject before she did.  
  
MoMo clapped her hands. "So... where is Lorina?" She tilted her head.  
  
"In the Gryffindor common room. Where else?" Alanna grinned.  
  
"ah," MoMo nodded.  
  
Joe was scowling. Just great now I'm gonna have to go to the Gryffindor common room he thought to himself scoffing.  
  
"Well shall we?" Alanna held out her arm to MoMo and she grabbed it and they skipped out of the Slytherin common room singing.  
  
Joe followed walking slowly behind. Not enjoying himself one bit.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lorina was sitting in the Great Hall no one else was there except Harry who had been partially forced to come. Lorina was eating everything in a 12 mile radius. She scarfed down most of the food that was there.(A/N: she really does do this!!*grins* ^ ^)  
  
Harry stared wordlessly for a few seconds. Sure he had seen people eat like this before, Ron, for example, but really. He had no idea.  
  
"So.... uhhhhhh" Harry tried to say something but nothing came out.  
  
Lorina smiled. "Yes?"  
  
"Nothing," Harry stared off in space.  
  
Lorina shrugged and went back to eating.  
  
*************  
  
Alanna ran up to the Gryffindor Girl's Dorms to check and see if Lorina was still asleep or in the shower or something. "Where is she?!" She messed up Lorina's bed in the search and all of the things around it.  
  
"Maybe she went to get something to eat?" MoMo suggested. Joe was leaning against the door frame to the room not wanting to go all the way in or wait in the common room.  
  
"YEA!!" Alanna brightened up and bolted from the room dragging MoMo and Joe with her.  
  
*******  
  
Draco was looking at himself in his mirror in his dorm room. Hmmmmmm... these pants really did look good on him.... He smirked to himself.  
  
(A/N: yea..... great image isn't it? Draco fans:*grin and cheer* Harry fans:*boo and throw things at TBC for that unneeded image* GIVE US HARRY!! TBC: ^ ^;; heh well that was interesting yup....... okay then I think we can continue)  
  
********  
  
Lorina had finally finished eating and she had dragged Harry outside to walk off all the food she just ate.  
  
"What a nice day!" She smiled.  
  
"Yea..." Harry smiled to himself, thinking something entirely different.  
  
"What do you want to be when you graduate Hogwarts?" Lorina asked looking at Harry expectantly.  
  
".... Hmmm.... I don't know.... I guess I never thought about it before. Maybe a Professional Quidditch player...." Harry's brow furrowed in thought about this question.  
  
"I'm going to be a Medi- witch! And find a cure for Lycanthropy." Lorina looked wistful.  
  
'Whoa such a great dream...' Harry thought. "I hope you do that!" he smiled, thinking how happy professor Lupin would be.  
  
"I wonder what Lanna is doing...?"  
  
*****  
  
"FOUND YOU!!" Alanna shouted gleefully running into the Great Hall, to find it empty.... "......"  
  
"Oh me, oh my." MoMo smiled nervously.  
  
"Hmmmmmm....." Alanna started to think outloud. "Maybe... maybe the gnomes got her!! Wait... they're my minions. Hmm... maybe she got sucked into a black hole or she chased the white rabbit again!"(A/N: lol yes Lorina finds great pleasure in chasing the white rabbit! BWS: you make it sound like I chase the dragon TBC: are you refering to the dragon I think you are? BWS: maybe..... TBC:*grins* I knew it Lorina is a... BWS: just get back to the story!! I:( TBC: OMG!! it's Krum!!EEEEEEEEEEEE!!*runs away* BWS:*sighs*)  
  
"Or or- uhhhhhhhh... she could have fallen out of a window!!" Alanna started rambling on and on about Lorina's death.  
  
"Or she could have taken a walk with young Potter." Joe said from his spot, leaning against the door frame of the open doors, to the Great Hall. He had an excellent view of the Main Doors. MoMo smiled.  
  
"Really?" Alanna ran over and peeked her head out the doors. She stared as she watched Lorina and Harry talk happily amongst each other. "Ohhh, I smell black mail!" she grinned.  
  
"Me too!" Joe grinned. MoMo stared, Alanna and Joe actually agreed on something.... weird. No one noticed that Lorina and Harry were standing right next to them.  
  
"Uhhhh... Alanna?" Lorina tapped Alanna on the shoulder.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKS!!" Alanna jumped about a foot in the air, in fright. "What was that FOR?!"  
  
"Sorry, just trying to see if you were alive." Lorina smiled evilly. Joe was slightly disturbed by this.  
  
"Lorina!!" MoMo shouted and flung herself at Lorina in a hug. Lorina was a little taken aback by this but then realized it was MoMo and hugged her back.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Lorina looked surprised and happy all at the same time.  
  
"Joe and her have come the teach potions!" Alanna said with fake happyness.  
  
".........."  
  
A/N: ZIPPIDEE DO DAH!! that is all!!  
  
REVIEW!! 


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